Know Me Where It Hurts: Sex, Kink, and Cerebral Palsy

Welcome to the inaugural post of the Sex Positive Washington Blog! 

I was so excited to find this article because it talks about two separate issues, disability and kink, and how hard it can be for people with disabilities to find sexual partners, or engage in the world of Kink. Thank you Autostraddle for posting this article! 

(Squarespace seems to be unable to copy and paste the pictures from this article, so please click the link on the bottom to see the original story)

Know Me Where It Hurts: Sex, Kink, and Cerebral Palsy

I have cerebral palsy. That means something different for all of us: some of us walk with braces; some walk without anything; some use wheelchairs; some have hands, feet, and faces that do their own thing; some stand on their toes; some communicate verbally; some don’t. Personally, I walk like this:

And I wear these:

(My orthotist gave a knowing look when I finally requested the “rainbow” swatch.)

I don’t exactly pass as able-bodied. Most people know something is “off” as soon as I stand up (as one college professor not-so-gracefully put it, “I looked at you and went ‘hmmm‘”). But sitting down, almost no one can tell, so I inhabit a middle space that confuses people all across the ability spectrum. People with CP have literally asked where mine is, as if it can be located. It’s true that I lack many of CP’s obvious markers, and aside from stairs without handrails and clawfoot bathtubs (seriously, why?), I don’t have to battle many physical barriers. But literally walking the line between able-bodied and not has given me an up close look at how people think about disabilities, and I will say this: if you’re not able-bodied, it’s really hard to get people to take you seriously.

They will tell you how brave and inspirational you are, for sure (which, of course, is more about them than you). They’ll tell you God loves you extra. Bonus points if they are also crying. But they’re uncomfortable, on some level, with you making your own choices — especially if those choices might have painful outcomes. Everyone around you will manicure your life so that you don’t have to experience difficulty. Things will happen around you rather than to you. Risk taking isn’t presented as an option. There are a couple different assumptions at work here: first, that you’ve already been through so much that you deserve the gold star of a decision-free life, and second, that you are a child in need of constant protection. That becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: when everyone takes care of you, it’s damn near impossible to grow up.

Click this link to see the rest of the story!

https://www.autostraddle.com/know-me-where-it-hurts-kink-cerebral-palsy-226077/